Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Back to the Want Ads

I’m still thinking about that perfect night job, so I’ve been cruising the want ads, an activity which offers high entertainment value. This Sunday I perused the Review Journal's Official Classified section because any other day of the week produces a far slimmer list of employment opportunities.

I immediately skipped over Accounting, Automotive, and Aviation as I have no skills or inclinations in any of those areas, unless I’m flying someplace where I must rent a car to visit someone who owes me money. Next was Call Center/Customer Service; I’m not that desperate yet. The Casino section: barf. I think I’d rather go back to work for Metro. Computer? Well, maybe, depending upon what needs to be done to the computer. If you need a computer doctor, I’m more like a nursing assistant; none of the jobs were for light computer help at night. Construction/Trades – I don’t think I have enough butt cleavage. Education might be a possibility if only I could tolerate more than four small children at a time. Engineering? Sure, right after I put in my app for brain surgeon.

Florist! I’d love to be a florist! Experience is preferred, which I assume means optional if I were able to show any indication of aptitude. Sadly, there’s not much call for night shift florists. Government – Maybe I could apply at the Spring Mountain Youth Camp as a part-time cook, if only I didn’t despise cooking. I would also assume skill is required beyond my survival-level culinary abilities. Hair/Nail: not likely. My hairstyle is “ponytail” and the closest I get to doing my nails is washing my hands. Healthcare, Hospitality, Human Resources, Insurance – oh, no, no, no, no.

Janitorial and Grounds Maintenance – this is where they keep the nighttime office cleaner jobs, which I thought would be perfect night work. Hmmm. Three jobs were listed. One was just a phone number with a warning about the background check. One listed a wage, $9/hr, and two of the three were across town. It would cost me more in gas than I would earn. Well, so much for that idea.

I skipped to Miscellaneous: “A Customer Relations/$18.36 hr +/Need 10 GOOD QUALIFIED PEOPLE for our Customer Relations Manager Trainee Program.” Will someone be teaching these future managers the proper use of all caps? And that “A Customer Relations” makes no sense? I could help them with that. Someone needs a dog sitter, but it appears from the ad that the dog sleeps at the sitter’s house. I don’t think my two spoiled dogs and one crabby cat would cooperate. I tried out for the movie extra thing once, but was rejected.

Office & Clerical, along with Media & Advertising, is where I would normally look for an actual job (along with the numerous job boards that are online). I don’t think I’ve ever seen a night job in the Media & Advertising section, although I know some reporter jobs are at night (those are usually online). This Sunday there weren’t ads for writers of any kind. You can find clerical work at all times of the day and night, however, so I must soberly acknowledge that, icky as it might be, here I might find something. For instance, I could start with the poor soul who placed the ad for an “Admin Istrative Sstistant." They even asked for someone detail-oriented. It doesn’t say if I can be detail oriented at night. It would be far better than resorting to the Professional/Management ads two columns over. The thought of being anyone’s boss ever again makes my eye start to twitch. I just skipped right over those soul-sucking positions, which don’t have night or day work; it’s just work all the time.
Real Estate? Wait a minute, I have to stop laughing. Research & Development, Retail, Sales, Social Services, Transportation/Drivers, Travel (only one ad and you have to have experience, darn), Veterinary/Pet Services, and Warehouse… nothing leaps off the page, although a little extra desperation can always cause you to widen your search criteria.

Looks like I’m sticking with freelance writer for right now.
Photo courtesy of Elvis Santana at

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